There is nothing like a major upheaval or life change for the state of your life balance to be highlighted in flashing neon lights, or more often than not, the state of imbalance.
So what is this ‘balance’ anyway? What does it look like? How does it feel when we gain that mystical balance that we are searching for? Do we ever attain true balance?
A lot of my coaching I have found is with people who feel they have no work/life balance; or with mum’s who feel they have no mum/wife/ me balance. We spend a lot of time looking at how their time is spent; what their priorities are; what do they want their life to look like compared to how it is currently. And the outcome after a lot of time and effort is balance? I’m not sure. A lot of other things end up happening in the process …
- Redefinition of priorities and what is truly meaningful to their lives
- Goal realisation
- Increased confidence and motivation
- Renewed dreams and aspirations
But balance? I am beginning to believe that achieving balance in our
lives is a bit of a misnomer. I am beginning to discover that finding
balance is actually something else altogether. I think we freak when we're overwhelmed (our feed readers hit 1,000 unread items, our in-boxes burst at the
seams on Monday mornings) because we think the point is to bring our lives to a place of 'balance.' I'm not sure that state exists for
more than a few moments at a time.In Japan there's a doll. The daruma doll. It has a phrase associated with it: '7 times down, 8 times up.' An image to bear in mind. The point is we keep coming back to our (digital) center. When I was doing my yoga teacher training our
teacher had us relax our toes when we were standing on one leg. Relax the toes of the standing foot, the foot that's grounding you. It's
hard. Your body grips and over-engages when you're out of balance. If we can relax our toes when we're experiencing difficulty, that's
balance.
Balance - if that’s not what we’re looking for, or not something we
can attain then what is it that we feel we are missing and striving for?
By any other name, are we looking instead for…
Contentment?
Sounds very static, un-energising, and
un-inspirational. It sounds easy and safe.
Proportion?
Keeping things in neat little manageable packages.
Perhaps.
Happiness?
I debate that there such a thing as a state of continuous
happiness. Happy moments. Cherished times. But to be in a state of
constant happiness, is a little… frightening? Delusional?
Presence/to be aware?
Maybe. Striving for the ability to stop and
be. In whatever we are doing for that moment. To realise that it is a
moment to cherish; to savour. To not feel that at the end of the day,
our life has passed by in a blur and we were there but not THERE. Is
that what we strive for ourselves these days?
To be active participants in our lives by being inactive at those
times when we need to acknowledge and soak up our presence in a moment
of time? Those brief periods of time or event when all is as it should
be. But most importantly, when those times are brought into our
consciousness and we are aware of them and their perfect synchronicity.
I believe a lot of people are searching for something like this; to
be able to do this in their everyday but I believe this is something
else altogether from the search for balance and a topic for another
time!
Balance*- equilibrium; symmetry; difference; remainder
On the surface, our initial thoughts about balance in our lives are
probably centred on finding some equilibrium or symmetry in our lives.
Valid aspirations in a coaching practice.
But on the controversial flip-side - are we perhaps actually looking
for what is the remainder in our lives? What is left over at the end
when everything else has consumed our energy and time?
Perhaps we’re looking for the essence of us; we want to uncover and
acknowledge the core of us that is left at the end of the night when the
lights are out and no-one else is around. Do we know what that actually
looks like in ourselves?
Perhaps we’re worried about what’s left at the end. And whether
there is anything left at all? Are we worried to find out what that is-
that modern times have corrupted the truth or authenticity of self; that
there is nothing of true value left?
Perhaps we want to change that truth. When we embark on the coaching
process to achieve balance, or search for the remainder, perhaps what
we really want is to make changes in our lives to ensure that at the end
of it all, we uncover a valuable and valued self. Maybe that is what we
are truly striving for.
Some thoughts from others…
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