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Learning from the Stroppy Child

Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:51 Kirsten

Having spent some time in the company of the stroppy child inner voice yesterday, firstly ignoring it and doing my challenge yoga anyway and then having quietened it (or gagged it with chocolate...) I eventually had a proper listen. Past the screaming and the stamping, there were some valid points I needed to hear.

Children are all about the here and now. They are gifts because they make us live in the present. They have only some understanding of consequences in the long term and are 100% about what is going on now, right now.

So when we hear a stroppy child inner voice (SCIV), the most likely thing going on is that something in your immediate world is being threatened or taken away; much as with a child, a tantrum occurs when a toy is removed or 'no' has been said.

Is there something else that you'd rather be doing?

Do you feel that you are being deprived of something better?

Do you feel your time is being taken up with a less worthwhile task?

If any of these questions ring true, then it is worthwhile to remember the SCIV you're listening to is upset about what is happening now. There is no thought to a long-term plan. There is no consideration of a bigger picture.

Those of you familiar with children in full blown tantrum know that reasoning often doesn't work, distraction is the best method for calming the mood. And more often than not, distraction with something brilliant they like.

So, go distract yourself! Distract yourself with something totallly random. Something completely different to what the SCIV is rebelling against and make it something you like. Just perhaps take a break and breathe. Walk. Sit.

Once the SCIV is happily playing in the corner of your mind, you then need to have a little reflective chat. Here you need to employ your adult logic voice to remind yourself:

This needs to be done for a good reason.

This is better for me, in the long run.

I will feel better afterwards becasue it is beneficial to me.

I have chosen to do this now becasue I know how valuable it is to my health and well-being.

And how did I quieten my SCIV? I went and had a cup of tea and some chocolate. It was delicious and relaxing and distracting. If I had cake, I would've had that (note to self: must bake).

My SCIV was shouting because it felt it was missing out on a desperately needed early night and time with a husband who had been away for a few days. These are the things I needed to look at, not the yoga challenge. Thank you, Stroppy Child for making yourself heard.

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