I was speaking briefly to a group of women at a fabulous meeting yesterday and I introduced them to the lie that is 'fine'. What does 'fine' actually mean? When you think about it, 'fine' means: a bit rubbish really but I'm sure you don't care or aren't interested to know the truth, so I'll just cover up my pain and pretend everything is all ok. Sound familiar?
The room of lovely ladies all nodded in mutual assent when I spoke about this lie we tell everyday. And everybody agreed that 'fine' just isn't good enough at all. Nobody wants to be told they look 'fine'- they want to look gorgeous! No-one wants to hear that the trip was 'fine- they want to know it was inspiring. Nobody wants to be told their composition was 'fine'- they want to be told it was moving.
In my world of coaching, I am surrounded by superlatives. I am comfortable with descriptions such as: fabulous, amazing, wonderful, great. So 'fine' doesn't cut it with me and I see through 'fine' to the truth that it is: not fine at all.
I introduced the room to the idea of 'flourishing' (more to blog about on that later). Isn't that just the most fantastic word? FLOURISHING. Wouldn't it be great if that was how you described yourself and your life? I am flourishing. Wow.
This concept struck a chord with the brunching ladies and flourishing was immediately embraced as the word of the day- it even prompted several to describe themselves as just that- and how wonderful it was to hear! The beaming smiles, energy and general vibe from those flourishing women was testimony there and then at just how powerful a word can be.
Just as 'fine' limits you to something less than you deserve, 'flourishing' can launch you to the stars!
I was later approached by one of the ladies who said that she uses 'fine' in the opposite manner- she uses it to downplay her own flourishing so that others do not feel bad at her good fortune! The shock and horror that someone felt the need to deny her own flourishing for the benefit of others. I was immediately reminded of the quote 'You don't need to blow out my candle, for yours to glow brighter' but she was blowing out her own, for others' to glow brighter! Selfless? Altruistic? Empathetic?
Is it better to use 'fine' when really we want to say 'great', 'wonderful', 'fabulous', in order for others to feel better about their own blend of 'fine'?
Can we instead be role models for others and inspire them to become flourishing too? How can we know it is possible, if we don't meet people who admit to being and doing it; if we don't speak up and speak the truth- I am flourishing.
What I ask today is that you ban 'fine' from your conversations- for whatever purpose you may be using it and introduce other, more honest, words into your descriptions of how you are being and doing.
If fine is the best that you can come up with, it may be time to look at making some changes in your life because fine is not a comfortable place to be and it is certainly not somewhere where anyone deserves to be either.
So how are you today?
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