I have my mother staying with me at the moment which I am blissfully ecstatic about and I am trying desperately to slow down time so her month's visit lasts a lifetime! I am very grateful for my relationship with my mother (read how I am sharing this with others' here) and feel more so when I encounter those who are not so fortunate to consider their mother a friend and confidante as well as role model and guide. The other day I wanted to bottle the essence of 'mum' and our relationship to give it to a friend so she too could experience what I am so lucky to have every day.
While I do not live close to my mum, I feel her presence, influence and comfort with me every day:
She is there when I bake and cook recipes of my childhood that she has shared and handed down; she is there when I cook and don't use a recipe or measures of any sort- a 'dash' and a 'glug' are frequent amounts used in recipes I receive from her.
She is there in what I say to my daughter, that I have heard her say to me over my lifetime- both loving and reprimanding.
She is there when I look at my hands and see hers: weathered from gardening and washing up; lined with experience and learning; full of loving and giving.
The other day she helped a friend in my absence; just my mum, being my mum and listening and caring and making a cup of tea and for that my friend was incredibly grateful. For my mother it was nothing and completely natural. For me it was another reminder of why we have a close relationship- because she is a genuinely lovely person who cares and gives at will. It is just comforting and safe to be around her. So much so, that my friend sent her daughter to us for the day as a surrogate granddaughter so she could feel some of that same motherly comfort and love!
I love the idea of 'kitchen healing'. The kind of healing that comes from sitting and chatting round the kitchen table with a cup of tea poured with concern and a slice of cake baked with love. I would like to think I am developing a 'kitchen healing' manner with my friends and family- that they feel welcome in my home to come and visit and share and enjoy good company. Whether it is a cup of tea they need, some love in a chocolate cake, a hug or a chat, I hope they find the comfort and support with me that I know people find with my mother.
It is something also that I would like my daughter to witness and be a part of as well. I believe very strongly in relationships, in building a community and support network through friends and family, especially through friends if your family is not geographically close. I believe in sharing of experience, learning from others and gathering wisdom (and recipes...). I believe in the healing nature of soul food: natural ingredients which are turned into dishes and creations that are full of love.
My mother has naturally done this for a lifetime. She has 'kitchen healed' her three daughters, neighbours, her friends, and even her daughters' friends. She has taught me so much and I am thankful to have the opportunity to still be learning.
So, because I can while she is here visiting, I give her a big hug almost every time I walk into the room and say 'thank you for everything'.
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