There is no joy in denial and I wonder if I'm missing a big point here. For the last 32 days, I have been on an exclusion diet to try to re-balance my digestive system and with the more long-term goal of possibly eradicating my eczema. I knew this diet change would be extreme and I had it firmly in my mind that it was only for a month; I went into this month of restriction with the intention clear in my mind that a month of pain was worth the longer-term gain. I was feeling incredibly virtuous. With the end in sight, now what I feel is something completely different altogether.
A lot of what I am feeling is flat. I have been exposed to the world that some people live in constantly- of diets and restricted eating and it has been truly eye-opening. Some people have severely restricted diets as the norm for medical or health reasons (and I now have some strong thoughts on that too!) and the thought of living like that all the time makes me feel very sad. While there are increasingly more and more 'free-from' items on supermarket shelves, there are some things that you just can't substitute. Like cheese.
For me, this restricted diet is for health reasons. I can understand making these choices and while it is for a limited time for me now, it will be a great adjustment both in my eating and my thinking, if it is something I need to continue with in the longer-term. The 'dieting mentality' is one I struggle with.
While I am well-versed with balance in life, I have to admit my diet has in recent years taken a tip towards the more unhealthy. It did not help having cake cravings throughout my pregnancy and the little habit of a small cake treat in the afternoon has been carried on well into my daughter's 2nd year! However, I have discovered the flip side of this regular indulgence in the form, not of weight gain, but in an imbalance in my system. And by experiencing this restricted diet for nearly a month now, I have discovered something that I really didn't realise before.
There truly is no joy in eating anymore. It is a mechanical function that I persevere with, as a matter of need rather than pleasure or desire or delight. All these things are missing from my meal times and it makes me think about people who spend their lives in a state of continuous 'diet'. It makes me very sad to think that they are allowing themselves to miss out on so much joy and deliciousness.
Take for example the crunch of an apple! There is just nothing like it in terms of sounds and sensation in the mouth- the crisp crunch and the wet juice that follows. I miss apples. And cheese. I have managed to find some
non-irritant alternatives to some of my staple delights (try rye bread- it is actually very nice) but cheese? There is nothing that can compare or replace cheese. The tang. The texture. The tingly sensation right at the back of
your jaw you get with a mature cheddar. It's not the top end blue cheeses that this palate is missing- it's good old standard 'slice it for a sandwich' cheddar. I thought I'd be hankering for chocolate too but I'm not really. Being a
lover of all things cake, I even thought I'd miss having that but I've had merely passing sighs at the sight of a cupcake behind a glass counter.
What I've come to realise that for me food is about a lot of other things other than eating or nutrition. It is a lot about the joy. Enjoying something that evokes memories or sensations. Enjoying something that is a social catalyst- I love a dinner party, a get-together with friends, having a catch up over coffee and cake and it is less about what I am eating and more about what the food is facilitating: company, companionship, friendship, communication, connection.
When I say (and I say it often) 'let's go have coffee and cake' what I realise now, is that I am really saying, 'let's go and connect'. The coffee and cake is the bonus, not the point.
I know there are many reasons why people HAVE to have a certain restricted diet and I understand that need but for those out there who are perpetually denying themselves the joy, the connection, the delight of good food within a
great experience, I say, please don't. Why not try something different?
Why not have a go at thinking about balance with what you eat, with the mindset that you are a healthy and responsible person and you are not about to go and do anything to yourself that is not an example of love.
I feel from within 32 days of restriction and exclusion that denying yourself something only makes you want it more. It's like trying to tell yourself not to think of a yellow elephant. That becomes exactly what you instantly think of. The same for restricting diets- tell yourself you can't have something and suddenly that is all you want. There have even been studies done on this exact same concept.
A group of primary school children were given a large jar of Smarties to pick one from as a reward at the end of the week. At the beginning and end of the week they were asked what their favourite coloured Smartie was. The results were generally evenly spread across the different colours. Their teacher then said that for the next week, no-one was allowed to have yellow Smarties. At the end of the week when asked their favourite coloured Smartie, the answers were nearly all YELLOW! The idea that they couldn't have a particular colour for some reason created a desire for that colour.
Food is love by the definition of nurturing and caring for your body in a healthy way. By creating denial or restriction within what you eat, you are denying yourself some love and you may well be creating an unnecessary desire for those foods you are trying to avoid! By thinking that you are able to have food in a good balance, there is then no need for denial or restriction and ultimately no artificial desire for something you think you can't have.
If you eat in balance, or all things in moderation, perhaps there will be more of a chance of living a healthy AND joyful life?
If I went much longer on this diet, I'm sure my esteem would take a battering- while there is a higher intention of love to myself in wanting to heal and be better, in such extreme circumstances, there is no love. My lesson from this experience is again, surprise, surprise: one of balance. Once my digestive system rights itself, and perhaps it might take longer than a month, I'll be there with all the love I can hand it and that comes in the form of balance- not denial. I will have bread. I will have cheese. I will have cake. But I will have it with love and in healthy balance.
Disclaimer: all views expressed on nutrition are mine and are opinions and thoughts based on personal experience only. For information and help with your nutritional needs, please see a qualified nutritional therapist.
*photo courtesy of Paul D Wade flickriver.com
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